Article of the Day 1/16

We have to talk about shame to understand more about ourselves and the people around us. Brene Brown talks about shame and vulnerability in an interesting way. These were my favorite quotations from her, as well as some thoughts I had when I heard her say them.

"My life did end when that happened. And maybe the hardest part about my life ending was that I learned something hard about myself. and that was that as much as I would be frustrated about not being able to get my work out to the world there was a part of me that was working very hard to engineer staying small." Our lives fluctuate between good and bad daily, we seem to feel that our life ends when we do something we deem as stupid or silly. We are also so afraid of failing that we begin to stop trying completely.

"Vulnerability is NOT weakness. That myth can profoundly danger us." Vulnerability is the very thing that will help get us through hard times. Change is tough, but when we fight through it, we start to see ourselves come out on top. Maybe as braver, maybe as kinder, or maybe as courageous.

"Vulnerability: emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty" The three things that make us the most worried.

"Vulnerability is our most accurate form of courage. To let ourselves be seen and be honest." In high school I was a very closed off, shy person. I didn't ever go out and change my life or take risks to make my life better. Now instead of wondering 'what if' I like to go out and take opportunities. It's so hard to change and it's so hard to confront uncomfortable situations. With that being said, life seems so much more fulfilled now, and I'm doing it for myself.

"To create is to make something that hasn't been created before. To change is to truly be vulnerable. We have to talk about shame!" A lot of people wonder the best way they can succeed, they ask the question and they stumble and they almost make it. But what would have made them truly succeed would to go for something at full force and try your best. Not everyone is going to like what you put out into the world, but my god, the feeling you will get when you win for you and not for anyone else, is a feeling I'd love to feel one hundred percent. However, when we create connections to one another, people can encourage you and there is something special about the way other humans can aid you with your story; and how special it is when you get to aid them in theirs.

"Dealing with shame is walking to a swamp. The purpose isn't to walk in and construct a home and live there. It's to put on some boots and walk through and find our way around." When we confront hard feelings, or the way we think about ourself there is nothing that says we have to live in our feelings forever. When we get feelings of shame and we think we hate ourselves, it's important to remember to take a deep breath and remember these things are only temporary.

"The credit goes to the man in the arena. At best he wins and at worst he loses, but when he fails, when he loses he does so daring greatly." -Theodore Roosevelt This quote is really motivational to me. So often we, as human beings, focus on the people mocking us and telling us we can't do it. In the process we forget that we are creating really beautiful, magnificent things.

"Shame is the one that tells you you can't do it. You can't do it because of all of these places that you went wrong; because of all the reasons you failed." Naturally, if we failed once it means that we will fail again, so it means we should give up while we're ahead. Except for the fact that this is completely backwards thinking. When we fall it is up to us to pick ourselves up and to remind ourselves to continue anyways. If you have an idea, go and make it happen; will everyone believe in you? No, never, but will people eventually benefit from your idea? Possibly! So go out and make things happen for yourself.

"Shame has two big tanks. 
1. You'll never be good enough 
and if you can talk your way out of that one,
2. Who do you think you are" If only there was some sort of happy middle. In my health class last semester we talked about how we feel at peace for about two seconds before we remember something else to worry about. That is similar to this here; the happy middle is where we tell ourselves we are important because we too are human beings.

"Shame says 'I am bad'
Guilt is 'I did something bad'"

"Shame holds us back from being who we truly want to be."

"Shame for women: Do it all, do it perfectly and never let anyone see you sweat.
Unattainable, conflicting emotions about who we are supposed to be.
Shame for men: Shame is one. Do not be perceived as weak.
The women in my life are harder in my life than any man."

"If we want to find our way back to each other we have to show empathy for it is the anecdote to shame."

"The most powerful thing to hear when in turmoil is, 'me too.'"

"Vulnerability is the way back to finding each other. We want to be with you and be across from you and see you dare greatly."

Shame is a demon that we all have to deal with; vulnerability is what will eventually make us strong.